Bringing myself some peace

I have learned it is easiest to own my 'wrongs' and say 'I am sorry'. Why wander around wondering if someone is going to blow at any minute and that wrath will be heading my way? Let me explain something about myself through a little story about my trip to ClubFem this weekend....

I knew two people who would most definitely be at the party would not be so thrilled to see me there. I made sure to attend with two of my closer friends who were both aware of these situations. I also knew I could ask to go home at any time and the request would be honored. While I am willing to walk into temperate environments, I don't believe in walking in blind or unarmed so to speak.

Background on the situation. One of them was someone I recently dismissed my attachment to because he had become overtly obsessed with me. Having been through a similar situation with him over a decade ago, the feeling of returning to something I hated the first time with an even MORE creepiness was unacceptable! He is the king of crap to pull online. He thinks he can upset me or throw my game off by attaching himself to two different women....

I went in and sat beside a new friend of mine. We are almost twins - in approach, style and tastes. The male has been all up her ass! He was attaching himself to her before I released him so I figured that was going to be where he headed next. Hell, I am the one who encouraged him to be nice to her because I knew where things were heading with us. I guess I should have warned her, but honestly I thought she would be someone who would enjoy the same benefits that I did. I knew she was healthy poly and she knew the whole situation with them was given a clear and green light even when we were entangled. [A no harm no foul in my book]

Later we got out to smoke together and chat in private. Smart girl comes right out and tells me that she feels he is a bit of a cling-on. I explain why I cut him from my roster. I now do feel worse that he will attempt his typical bullshit of sneaking into her life and there is no more warning I can give. She is smart and sees through him! hahahaha and I had absolutely nothing to do with it! I did serve as a level of protection for her from him all night, as he steered himself away from her while I was close.

I noticed his pout when he caught where I was. That is the look that makes me want to vomit on him. I made a point of trying to avoid even looking at him. No glares means I don't care -- you are fucking invisible to me you moron! Anger would equate to emotional attachment and I don't feel one ounce of anything!! Indifference! Best weapon ever!!! [Thank you to Willam Belli for that hint!]

See he tries to stir shit within me by making all his comments to these women very public so they end up in my feed. When he teamed up with the other person I expected to have problems with, I LAUGHED MY ASS OFF. She's eagerly taken him and another stalker person from my past and placed them very near to her. Whew! Two problems in one fell swoop and I am to be jealous?!?! Really?!?! Nope, I owe her a debt of thanks for clearing them out of my path. The journey is much better without dead weight.

She played him that night. She's very talented. I am glad he can be her channel of rage machine. Hit him hard, honey! She and I didn't exchange but once and then it was so cold on her end, I was a little stunned. But it was totally expected. All of this passive aggressive mind gaming is normal. It cracks me up. It's so *vanilla* and *junior high*.

Best way to circumvent this situation and stop the stupidity? Write, own and shoot the hostage. This is where the saying I am sorry and owning my end of the situation comes in. Today I sent her this note:

MichelleFromHell 45F
Houston, Texas
written about 1 hour ago:

You're doing great. I am sorry I was so protective of HPEP at the start. I didn't realize I would have such an attachment.

I have released that attachment. I have stood down and gone radio silent. I shared our exchange in full so folks could see both sides, but in the interest of peace, it has been removed. While it may have pissed you off now, I am betting you will understand that technique in the end.

I wish you nothing but the best. To help with that, I am staying out of your way. But I do not like having to be treated so coldly in public when I am serious about making the effort to show support and polite interaction. It would be lovely if the next time we are in the same space we could just be civil.

I will be avoiding HPEP events to help ease things for you. I hope you see this as an effort to ease your stress. [I noticed your weight loss at CF and it worried me to know how rapidly it fell off.]

No one should be made sick by a volunteer position. I am sorry I added to your stress. I remember after the first two weeks of my term, I publicly posted about what we had accomplished in the first month because I had already handled two months worth of work behind the scenes alone. I should have been more considerate, but in my anxiety I failed at that and you.

Peace be with you. Good luck with the whole thing. Hope this year rocks.

M

So now I am done. I've offered amends. I've owned my end of the deal. To me this is done. Let's hope they both realize I am doing everything in my power to get them out of my universe and to keep far away from each of theirs. Seriously, I know how short life is. I don't need this crap ruining my good time!