My collars - past and present

My collars - past and present

The ONLY formal collar I ever gave was to my wife. We were together about three years when we found the perfect one. It was a silver band type choker necklace. My dear friend, Mistress Max Rulz had given me a lovely pendant - a silver heart with a lovely purple stone [my favorite color] that we would put on it to personalize it to reflect my ownership. This was her formal collar. She was to wear it to special events, but not daily. When we broke up, it was not the one I kept...

See I have this tiny metal lock box thingie that my last hubby used to keep his night vision in with several trinkets from former people who served under me. It helps me remember what lessons I learned from each experience. *See I do have a slice of sentimentality left in my cold, black heart!

The one I have from my time with Kimi is locked away in my little box of memories is my 'everyday' collar. It's a silver chain with a "Brain" character charm hanging off it that we got in Mexico during this insane road trip to Arizona. We've been broken up a long time - I was crazy and she needed to return to Vanilla Land - but I still get tears when I hold it. nothing lasts forever

Now the really closer readers might have noticed I said "MY" everyday collar. This is one variant in the collar tradition that I apply to my collar[s]. When I bestow an everyday one on someone I also obtain one for myself. They are generally related to the relationship and show different aspects of our dynamic. When they are away from me, this bonds us to each other. Think of it like a child with a woobie -- it gives them comfort and security.

In my situation with my wife, we were like Pinkie and the Brain -- I'd come up with some idea and she'd be there to help me impliment it. Dangerous, silly and supportive - that's Kimi! Kimi wore the Pinky one and I know for a fact she still has it. We've recently opened a new line of communication. Turns out there was a point where she really needed me and didn't have any way to track me down. I will never allow that to happen again...she's just lucky I stalked her ass down...Funny how some bonds can last longer then you think...and how a lost sub will find their way home when they need the protective love of a good Dom!

Some people - even after a year - never get something new to signify the relationship. Richard was one of those. For his symbol of position I opted for a leather wrist band on the appropriate arm. He was a switch with a machisimo background that prevented him from relishing anyone identifying him as "my boy". This way only the Leather people could read the clue and the panSEXuals would be in the dark. To clarify this between the two of us, I felt it would be best that he chose an item he already owned to give an outward signal of the inner connection. It's a nice piece of leather with a silver bar across the front a friend of his made for him. When he moved out he left it where I could see it as an outward sign of the end of our deal.

There are no tears when I look at this one. Only the reminder that if I feel the need tell someone that fucking me will ruin our friendship that I just should never fuck them. We would have been better off as friends. Now he considers me dead and that's really how my heart feels in terms with him too. Sad but true. People come and people go

The final one belonged to someone who is still in my life, but not as closely as she was at first. She knows who she is and the truth of the story. Anyhow, this piece of jewerly was sort of a collar, but not completely. It was more of a symbol of our mentorship dynamic and an outward sign that she was protected. The negotiation was very loose and probably should have been more structured, as I see clearly in reflection

She purchased them for us one afternoon while we were out selling ads for the first Sinfest. The timing seemed perfect and they happened to have these matching rings in both our sizes and on sale! It's a silver band with a heart pendant dangling off it. The heart has a key hole in it - much like a lock. This seem to be a perfect symbol. I am a big believer in fate. I saw it as a sign. I didn't make her purchase these, she wanted to. I figured as long as she had it on, she was thinking of me. I also watched for when she took it off.

As fate would have it, she lost it the weekend we went to our annual Serpentarium family reunion at TRF [texas renaissance festival]. This was her first invite and we had the whole situation that earned her the pussy name of "WillyNillyPussy". It was the weekend that she got her family obligations confused with a budding relationship that happened to be very distracting.

Suffice to say, when we got home I took mine off and locked it in the box. The bond wasn't working and I knew it. We weren't in the same place by that point and she needed the space to experiment without guidance. We are still friends and family, but are both working on getting nearer to where we started and further from where things got.

While it wasn't a traditional agreement and/or collar it is still a symbol to me. It reminds me sometimes the fates move faster then people are ready for. I should have held those feelings back and given her more 'free range space' from the beginning. I should have not allowed her to purchase me that ring. [But in my defense it is so shiny and pretty!]

Now Will's collar is a multitude of symbols. First, neither of us purchased them - they were a gift from our dear sister, Virginia. To me this was a sign that the family I trusted most was ready to see us truly commit. Consciously or not.

It is a brass coin dangling from a simple black chord. On one side a tiger has been pressed and there are snakes on the other. He wear his Snake side out to show his attachment to us with his Tiger side closest to his heart. I wear mine on the reverse. To us this symbolizes who the owner and pet are to the outside word while reminding us that keep aware that we must love ourselves before we can love the other side of the coin. Mine is kept between my boobs most of the time, so if you want to see this, please politely ask him to show you.

For me, the weight of the collar emotionally does not require some public ceremony. It's a very private thing. I do not set up any big family hoopladoopla nor make some big public announcement. I feel to do so just invites more people into the relationship. I just wait until I can look them in the eye and say, "If you want to be mine put this on." [Of course we've already negotiated everything BEFORE this moment; hell, it took a year or so if you remember how I feel about this.]

Afterall, the core experience of a traditional wedding was a method of introducing each family to the newest member of their klans and whom it alligned them with. By making it a public thing, it serves a similar purpose even if people don't realize it. I have a thing for rituals - consider it a part of working on developing my own cult. For what I have learned - the best way to build such a thing is to adapt other traditions and/or mindsets that worked for others.

Since the collar is the highest level of possiblities for my dynamic with Will, as we are NEVER going to marry each other, I take extra seriously. I feel naked if I take it off. If he removes his I notice immediately. The only time I remove mine is when I have to 'dress fancy' and occassionally I just risk looking tacky to keep it on.

We've spent time examining the symbols. We have talked about what it means to us. Lately more then ever. Could be because I am so focused on the topic...awww the stupid shit that gets stuck in my craw...

Well, today's laundry day around here. UGLY. I'd rather sit and write all day. I really do have other topics I want to talk about...

Expect upcoming blogs to cover - NEGOTIATING WITH A LITTLE...DIFFERENT COLLARS AND LEVELS OF COMMITMENTS...THE NO NO ZONE BARBIE and much more!

In the meantime - it's time to "Detroit Rock City" around here~

Lv M [A proud KISS fan who happens to be rocking with her son to a just KISS playlist right now]