Opened all the doors and turned off the AC. It's a balmy 70 something outside with just the right touch of humidity that helps chill the air only a bit. I watched Smarty the Squirrel enjoy the peanuts I put out for it, but have yet to venture to the porch.

I did manage to program the favorites channels on the cable remote!! Such an uber cool feature. I will never have to ever be bothered by that stupid scrolling ever again. Over half of mine are the music channels...hahahaha...of which the Classic Rock one is friggin jammin' out right now...

Went outside once today though. Had to go pick up the girl chylde from school. Seems she went puke-a-zoid in the bathroom and a stupid stomache flu has hit our school. Oh joy. That might explain why I had one out for two days last week, huh? And now I feel a little sea sick at moments, but haven't begun that worshipping the porcelan [sp?] god stuff...Just NO appetite..probably a deterant from my subconscious!!

Plus ALL of those in the house have been dragging ass...both kids keep taking late in the day naps, saying they are exhausted from school...They wake up right before dinner most of the time...Paul gets up at the asscrack of dawn and then naps before the kids 'teen bomb' us after school...Will naps on the couch around the same time when he's home, but he gets up a little later...I have been COMPLETELY thrown off by this change in life so now I am waking up either soon after Will or a little before him...Last night this caused me to pass out long before my normal time...

I haven't felt like talking on the phone. I have also limited checking my email accounts. Basically, if there hadn't been a problem that required my attention I would have been shut off completely. I am just a little overwhelmed by having too many people in a small space.

I am sure this aspect of my personality is driving the girlie kitties a little nuts, but I will make amends - promise. I just need the fresh air this weekend. I know this place will feel more spacious and me more gracious when the boys get their own place. Right now I just feel a little weighed down.

I have spent this 'quiet time' thinking more and more about my books. I filmed a short on the dishwashing machine, but need to do the editing and text to go along with it. Right now I am fashioning the first draft of my first book into sort of a power point presentation. I am a very visual person, so one way I want this released is online in a downloadable/semi-self publishing product. It's too hard to explain how my mind is entangled with the ambitions....

Today the sun brought me back to life. I also attribute part of my slumpy feeling to my new diet. I have basically cut my calorie intake in a third. I am determined to lose 15 pounds. I am a little worried what it will mean in terms of wrinkling, but fuck it if I turn out looking closer to my actual age. It's about time!!

Not that I am unhappy a little curvy, but after shooting recently I just became hateful to my self-image. Vanity has won yet again in the constant struggle I have with my behaviors. Besides, I will feel better about approaching people for more work if I don't feel fat.

I hate the damn headaches that come from this. I quit drinking cokes two days ago after a lifelong addiction. Well, not quit completely -- I am just no longer buying them for the house. It's summer and juices/koolaide/tea all taste better this time of year anyhow...[Ironic - John Lennon's Cold Turkey from 1975 is playing off my TV right now]

Now it's just up to me to exercise. Ugh. If you know anything about my physcial health, you will know I have a seriously screwed up back. I live in a constant state of numbness from the pain. I KNOW the whole exercise thing would improve some of it, but it means going through a ton of pain because of the state of tension in my muscles. So my big plan is to take up swimming. It's the lowest impact with a quick payoff if I am consistant. I haven't been able to start this because of this cold front but Will is down to go with me.

He's trying to be supportive of my recent ups and downs. It's seasonal and we know there is little I can do about it. Spring's on and off hot to cool makes me a little like that. He's not worried because he knows happy mania is just around the corner...Three to four glorious months of me in something productive mode...

He's ready for me to write. Lately I have spent a great deal of our talking time dicussing my ideas. I need to organize them and really get myself heading down the road. I know it's within me.

I've always been taught that the best writing comes from topics that you know best/from you life. So I think I am perfectly qualified to talk about how to manage a household for someone that is considerate of the economics, tastes and standards. It's really three books in one as the first part will be dedicated to teaching the dominants how to use the tools within the text, a second for the submissive's understanding of the process' hows and whys, then the negotiation/implimention of the process as a dynamic.

I know it is a lot to take on. But to give myself credit, I have learned a lot in ten years from BOTH sides. I have observed what works and does not for myself and others. I have inquired to Tops and Bottoms about what has worked and failed with them.

I want it to be interactive and multimedia. I want the best with what I can do. I just have to outline, prep myself mentally and focus. Actually hyper focus....

So expect more blogs. They are what help me wrap my mind around writing. I am sure you will see much of the information I give out in my future publications~

Lv M