Advice

Advice I have shared with newer HOUSTON community participants recently

These are exerpts from recent communications I have had with random folks who are either wanting to become involved in the scene deeper or more then just on a 'weekend warrior' basis. PLEASE KEEP IN MIND RIGHT NOW I AM SUFFERING FROM MY THIRD CASE OF COMMUNITY BURN OUT FROM MY DEDICATION, so my opinions are a little jaded. Oh and they are just my own NOT every Snake agrees with me on every point...The comments in italics I have added post conversation for the outside reader to understand my reasons and logic on this rant...Anyhow this is how I truly feel at this moment of this day:

Best of luck with your new journey within us...

Please remember there are plenty of folks who do shit that can be really wrong - who cause problems and hurt people, then go away for a while, only to return when the assorted community attendee list changes with new participants. Some come back and take leadership positions because those who had the problems with them have since left the community leaving the new people to learn for themselves with no real history to pull from. Others come back and just terrorize individuals, rather than groups. With so many people eager to be accepted, folks tend to ignore warning signs. This can be a big pool of 'followers' who will adore anyone who acts like whatever fantasy the 'follower' expected when they came to the community -- even if they are complete jerks who fuck everyone over...

Notice I said 'pool of': this implies it does NOT apply to everyone across the board. It DOES appy to certain types of people that exist all over the planet.

Lesson here: TAKE THE TIME TO GET KNOW PEOPLE SO THAT THEY EARN YOUR RESPECT...Watch the leaders closely...See who flocks to whom and what quality of a person they are following is...Do they have moral ethics? Do they treat those in their care with respect and love OR do they neglect them everytime a 'new shiny object' becomes available to them? Do they have exclusive lists but act like they are open to anyone? How do they treat the folks who come to help with their events? Do they support other community events or is the group more of a cloistered nature?

Think about it this way -- how can anyone worship/support/follow a leader/Dom/board member/host of events and or parties that wouldn't be the kind of person they would invite into their homes and around their kids?

I am sorry, but I just can't set foot in the home of someone I do not respect. I am just not that hungry for a party I guess. I also can't stand people who are one way to your face and another behind your back. At least with me you can know if I am saying something behind your back I will also say it right to your face. Don't worry though, sometimes it's not all bad!

Just my spin on what new people who become involved enough care about the community SHOULD be asking themselves...But I also am one of those people who would never offer anyone a collar of any sort after knowing them for less than a year...I take all of this VERY personally, as it is not only my career and social outlet, but also how I live 247...To me the folks who do everything too soon are just desperate for someone to love them and not in the right place for the commitment to be a mutually unselfish and healthy Ds dynamic.

This has to do with leaders. producers, hosts and Doms. After having an amazing and LARGE family for over a decade, I pay close attention to others who try to do the same. Some I advise on a regular basis, while others I just observe. In my opinion too many people who are eager for poly accept and tag people too quickly...I wrote about this to another person [but I had to do a little editing here because it was in regards to a particular individual] and said:

See, long before you noticed someone has been added to our family they have passed mine [screening process]. It takes me a ton of interaction to trust someone enough to label them that. That's why we tell people the only way to get into the Snakes is to show up. We have to be able to see not only how they interact with me, but with the rest of the Serpentarium as well...

It takes over a year or two before I will even collar those who belong to me. I think I was right about the one and a half year mark before I offered one to Will. I also don't do a big ceremony when I give one. I tend to say, "This is your collar if you want it. If you do then put it on".

Please remember I partner to switches. My people don't want all that hoopla, they just want my collar. I am really not big into pomp and circumstance!

So many seem to be grabbing up people who really needed somewhere to belong to expand their numbers. I question anyone so desperate for love/adoration. I have secretly used this phrase as a tool when expressing something I deeply feel --

If you will accept the adoration of someone new into your life, you should know the quality of your worshippers before you value their choice to admire you.

To me this means the most valuable admiration comes from those who have proven themselves with 'sweat equity' and endurance of love through trials and tribulations. Not just because anyone else might thing you are cool.

Think of it this way: A stranger writes you and tells you how beautiful you are just from images on the internet. Big fucking whoop. But if the person you love most of all sees the same images over your shoulder and says 'That's my favorite' then you value it a bit more, right?

This is not saying anyone who blindly follows is bad. For me, I don't want the energy of those kinds of folks. Other 'leaders' NEED it so badly that they don't give a fuck who does it. Nevermind that the 'followers' would follow the devil into hell if they found him sexy/dominant/controlling in a pleasurable way enough....