About pushing limits with casual partners

About Casual Play/pushing limits in a casual partner/friend situation
*This is in response to someone's blog about their current partner wanting her to cross hard limits, even though the top in question has made it abundantly clear that the situation will never exceed being friends....

I find in these moments of choice it often helps me to look at the situation from my future...What I mean is I try to think how I will feel looking back on my actions in the past a little further down life's path...Try to think of it like this:

A. THINK ABOUT YOURSELF FIRST
It already sounds like you are double thinking doing things with this person who has made it clear that they WILL not have a relationship more intimate then friendship with you yet YOU continue to permit him to perform acts with you that you would not include in a friendship....You linger and make it clear that this lack of deepening the relationship is NOT your choice [or will]...I am sorry, but this sounds a little unhealthy to me...

Being submissive does NOT mean you cannot want all your needs met; because "the great gift of submission" is will driven [afterall no one can take what you do not give] you should be the one with the ultimate choice of what you want to get from anyone you partner with in the act...you do NOT have to settle -- and it sounds completely like you are...

While settling you are willing to consider crossing boundaries??? Does this make sense? How will crossing those lines affect your self-esteem in the long run? How will the future you judge yourself for doing this? Are you the kind of person who reflects on past relationships with regret or remorse for making choices that went against your heart and/or mind?

B. THINK ABOUT WHAT THIS PERSON'S PUSHING REALLY MEANS ABOUT THEM
If you decide you can live with this choice of partnering without complete commitment for the pleasures it brings you right now, then let's look at limits -- especially hard ones...When I came to the community about ten years ago, there was a popular surge in "testing someone's limits"...I never understood why people who play casually together would even do that to the other...

Limits are set up with landmines all around them...most submissives will hit one of the mines and have some sort of mental breakdown -- occassionally right in the middle of the scene but more often right after...if the Top in question is not prepared for what could happen or doesn't have enough emotional attactment to the Bottom, too frequently the bottom is left to struggle with the outcome alone...WHO THE FUCK WOULD SET THEMSELVES UP FOR THIS?

Now limits do tend to move and shift with time and experience...I can remember when I was bottoming I told everyone NO CLOTHESPINS up front, only to recant it after I spent an afternoon putting them all over myself and taking the time to truly explore the pain in a place I was good with...Yet I also said NO NEEDLES and have never felt the same urge to see if it was something I could get over...Even as a Top they squick me sick...

IF this person is truly your friend before being your dominant, then they should respect your limits. IF they continue to push because it is something they really want, then they are being SELFISH. A selfish person driven by a sexual desire does not tend to take the time to see what a struggle their partner may be having and have enough snap to put their selfish desire aside to take care of the sub...REMEMBER JUST AS A SLAVE TAKES CARE OF A MASTER -- THE MASTER SHOULD ULTIMATELY TAKE CARE OF THE SLAVE...[If you take care of your toys they will always take care of you doesn't not just apply to the tools of the trade, but also the people we interact with most intimately!!]

C. THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS FRIENDS

Honestly, you know you are already dancing as more then friends in your heart...You are clear he is not there on the same level you are...IF you give more then you are comfortable and it all blows up in your face, how are you going to look at him when it is all said and done? I know it would ruin any chance of remaining friends for me...

I am not saying don't play with friends. I would NEVER say that. I would say be sure the friends you play with are motivated to explore fairly and equally. Try finding out what his hard limits are and how he would feel if someone were to force him past them. Remind him that he is still a bottom to someone and restore his humanity....

Eitherway -- COMMUNICATE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS! DO NOT BACK DOWN! BEING A SUBMISSIVE WHO IS DRIVEN TO BRING HAPPINESS TO OTHERS DOES NOT MEAN YOU MUST BECOME A DOORMAT!!

You have value. If you need to figure out what price it would be in terms of money, well as a proDom I get $250 an hour...a proSub can take that much and more for bottoming...afterall, a good submissive is not that easy to find and a great/complimant bottom is even more of a challenge...If what is going down is not something you would do for $300 an hour, THEN IT IS NOT WORTH DOING...

Seriously,
Lv M