I wish I could have warned them, but I have learned my place.

After all the shit I went through while releasing my attachment to HPEP, I am extremely leery of advising anyone who has not asked. In the past I would have warned people about things in the calendar they had not considered, location tips and leads and/or pricing. I am no longer giving that forward, instead waiting until I feel the time is right. Since I am never sure of who can pull what off, it only behooves me to wait and watch to avoid looking foolish.

I fucking hate this change in myself. HATE IT.

Right now I am watching a very nice man deciding to cancel an event he had booked in October to make up for an annual Austin event that has been discontinued. I really like the guy and we sort of briefly discussed our events at the last Wicked Wednesday. He admitted even though he's new in town, he has a great deal of past experience doing events.

When they announced the event they also posted paying jobs for the event. Folks said I should apply. I was even invited to by the event owners, but I explained that I would prefer to attend events I do not own vs work on them. It almost stunned me to read that again. I am so used to being the "help anyway I can" type of volunteer to go to big events because of ticket pricing...but not anymore. Thanks to my past with DareWare and the various other groups/events that I volunteered on for over a decade and a half, I am serious about only working on my own events. HPEP taught me I am totally over any group projects that I am not owner of completely.

But because I have a big event the following month - with a very different orientation and target audience - I felt that if I tried to warn them about the short comings within their plans it would be taken wrong. How could I not worry about this when my recent situations with HPEP taught me the hardening lesson that has deeply affected me to my very core? Here is what I saw and should have stressed to them when they took on the event:

1. The original event was in Austin and it drew from across the state because everyone loves to visit Austin and it is centrally located in terms of the state. Many people do not like to come to Houston.
2. Fall/October in Houston is already overloaded with events - kids/school obligations like fall festivals, homecomings, etc/Texas Renaissance Festival/Fall outdoor events in general - like concerts, etc./Halloween in Vanilla/the annual EROS anniversary/Halloween party and blah blah blah October is the busiest month in town....
3. Rope is a niche market in this town. While you have many interested people wanting to come to house parties, they are not known for hosting giant events like the pansexual driven events do.
4. There is a reason huge educational events are NOT in this town. The market would rather take a road trip to those and make a big production of it. And it took *forever* to build an audience for many of those. [Estimated 2 - 3 years in many situations]
5. Cost is a figure you have to look at when dealing with this local audience. Again with all the above described social obligations [of number 2], the wallet is already thin. I am hitting them up at a fair price at the end of it and before Christmas for a reason.
6. Start small and build your audience before publicly committing to something this large. It gets hopes up and then harms your rep when it does not make. I waited a month before I committed to my events. I am building my audience with my mixers. I did small all last year for HPEP to re-learn how to pull my ideas together. I am no place near where I want to be on audience building, but I have also begun the process and am constantly expanding my exposure.
7. How well do you know the people you hire? Another lesson I had recently is that some people SEEM like they should know what is required of them for the commitment and be able to back it before their other obligations. If their life is totally in order and you are positive through personal experience/interaction then totally bring them into our crew, BUT if they are spread thin with other leadership obligations, health issues and/or money problems [or a fucked up relationship/kid situation] I can almost promise you they will fuck your stuff up too. In my opinion, it is NOT worth the work they provide. I'd rather have more lead time to handle all the details myself honestly.

I wrote the event that cancelled's host and expressed my sadness for them and shared my hotel contact information as a lead to encourage them to try this huge undertaking next year. If he responds warmly, I might lead him here to this post. I am going to now give some hints for folks wanting to plan a big event:

1. Houston is fucking hot March until October. Indoor focused events are best. No one really likes camping in this area during these months either. Hell PRIDE is in June and it is unbearably hot. If you have a hotel, be sure they will have the pool open. During the few cooler parts of this part of the calendar, vanilla festivals are in season. Kinky people love them. Conflicting with them only hurts your numbers.

2. If you are looking at booking a kinky event, remember that Houston House hosts their events on the Saturdays of months with five Saturdays. I did not notice this until after I booked my first event. Luckily I am on Friday and do ticket pre-sales.

3. People do go to DFW and San Antonio for certain events. Find out if your target market conflicts with any established event of this type and try to not cause them to choose to maximize your audience. If you absolutely have to pick a date that conflicts with a major event in another large city, make sure you target an audience that does not make the road trips to the other events annually OR offer something so much better that they change their plans.

4. LEARN THE CALENDAR FOR THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY. Try to go to every group in town and offer them something - even if it is just your attendance and support of their munches, coffees, classes, parties/events, etc. You must go out and press palms. New or old. It is just the truth. Folks must know you to love and support you.

5. Give yourself over 6 months worth of promotional time. Just do it. Quit asking why.

It sucks that I don't feel like I can just thrust this on folks as an effort to help. While I may be a bitch who knows a shit ton, I am not a know it all pushy bitch anymore. I will advise when asked and help when it does not put me out. I am committed to my dream and hope you all nothing but the best while you pursue yours.