Manipulators

Manipulations by a Master

I've been thinking about being a Master Manipulator lately. Let me explain the "title" first. Years ago I got a shirt from EROS 1207 that says MASTER in big silver letters on the front. It's a man's XX-Large, I think. Anyhow, it became a joke around here for me to say I want to get "MANIPULATOR" put on the back. [Seems I tend to have it on days where I have to manipulate my environment for one reason or another.] Recently I have had occasion to see the blatant manipulating that some of the people I know do in their worlds -- vanilla and community based people -- and see how some use the skill of manipulation for ill will rather then to benefit others. This has really got itself in my craw, so I have decided to closely examine the situations and find the commonalities, how they could have easily done good instead of what I honestly perceive as truly evil and how these patterns are detrimental to the well being of humanity at large.

To get a clear point to kick off from, I looked up MANIPULATE on dictionary.com:
ma⋅nip⋅u⋅late
–verb (used with object), -lat⋅ed, -lat⋅ing. 1. to manage or influence skillfully, esp. in an unfair manner: to manipulate people's feelings.
2. to handle, manage, or use, esp. with skill, in some process of treatment or performance: to manipulate a large tractor.
3. to adapt or change (accounts, figures, etc.) to suit one's purpose or advantage.
4. Medicine/Medical. to examine or treat by skillful use of the hands, as in palpation, reduction of dislocations, or changing the position of a fetus.


See, I personally don't view the world "manipulator" as a derogatory term, as that first definition makes it sound. By understanding where a person is motivated from I can empathise, see into their heart and then take that information into my choices on how I interact with them. I look for their personal patterns/buttons and try to avoid the triggers when handling anything between us. I always tell folks it's all in how you approach someone if you really want to get whatever it is you desire from them. [See definition 3]

IF it is someone I want to hurt, I do tend to use the skill in a less considerate manner and yes, either way I AM manipulating people's feelings.

My current feelings about those who manipulate effectively [for good or evil - I can see the admirably in the skill from both sides] ends up with me becoming bored and annoyed by their points of failure. I feel I have honed this skill to a point most people will not understand fully, for it is a quite detailed and complex combination of understanding human nature, reality and personal perspective. Maybe it's because I have seen so many people with similar histories who have common points that I have developed a skill for seeing things how they really are. It's kind of a jaded perspective. I find that Mastery often comes with disenchantment on some level.

*It's not a disenchantment with the talent I have obtained, but more-so a fierce resentment of the rest of the people's inability to "see the light" when it comes to the dishonorable manipulators until they have already been burned - sometimes repeatedly. I am trying to think of many examples as possible to make this point, so please be patient with me while I disclose my past to explain where I am at the present. This could take a while. Growing up, I witnessed many strange things through the eyes of a child who had the soul of an elder. To me, I was always a small adult waiting to emerge from the body I was trapped in. The memories are clear but sometimes more difficult to recall -- ahhhh age....

I have this strange memory of my first distaste for an evil manipulator that happened in elementary school. Nathanne Tankersly convinced Ginger Onishi to call me over to them so that they each could bop me on the head with one of her toe shoes with me boxed in between them at the desks. We were all in the same class and girl scouts. She knew Ginger and I grew up over the fence from each other since the age of 3. She was extremely jealous of our friendship. MY FIRST PUBLIC HUMILIATION NON-CONSENSUAL SCENE!

By going along with her, Ginger hurt my feelings so badly that I never forgot it. Yes, I forgave her because even then I knew Nathanne was a bitch. I ran into that bitch when I was about 20 at a club. My first hubby had DATED HER. When I found this out I told him the story and ended with, "Is she less of a manipulative bitch now than she was back then?" Turns out the answer was, "No." At that age my rage was a lot less under control, so I repaid her underhanded manipulation of the past with one of my own. My hubby's best friend [who hated her while they were dating] helped me by bumping into me with a full drink in my hand so it poured all over her outfit! [Oh yes, Grasshopper is a quick learner with the ability to hold a resentment unlike most!]

*BY THE WAY: There is no way this does anything but evil. There is no way to turn it around. This kind of selfishness and unwillingness to stand up against a wrong-doer are the very things that are poisoning our society. Jealousy is hard to control, but if we are really looking out for each other we should learn to be more communally minded. My behavior was appropriate to who I was at that time in my life. I would not handle this the same way now.

The ingrained lesson from that early experience gave me a reason to develop an inherent distrust of all female emotional friendship/relationships. It has always been difficult for me to trust women. This has given me the blessing of many truly wonderful women to have close emotional bonds with because before they are allowed to get to close to me they go through a challenging 'vetting' process. If I am a friend to someone by choice, I am a friend until they don't want to be my friend anymore. The people who don't make it through the vetting process generally have proven themselves to be too big of a manipulator in some way or another that I have found distasteful.

A friendship I held very close a few years ago with a well respected FemDom resulted in me distancing myself happened because I resented the way this FemDom tried to emotionally manipulate me about the well-being of another close friend when she knew nothing of the facts in the situation. The FemDom in question tried calling me out for being out of town with a boyfriend I had in Dallas. Knowing she hated this man, I didn't let that work. She then tried to tell me that it was my responsibility to be here for my friend. I explained I had already spoken to the woman in question when she first arrived at the hospital and was doing what was instructed to me. I explained my friend and her hubby could not answer their phones at that time, so there was no way for me to provide her with details.

She then told me to call the Submissive of the hospitalized woman to get more details and manipulate the situation how she felt it should be dealt with. She was unaware that my dear friend [and sister] had specifically instructed me to NEVER tell the sub if she were to be hospitalized in such a situation. She would not allow anyone to inform him but herself or her mate. Pretty much the FemDom tried to make me feel like a shitty friend when I had already handled everything from Dallas. Her questioning my abilities was an insult, as she was 'posed to respect me as the leader of our House [at this time she was considered a family member], but the way she was trying to emotionally blackmail me was the final straw. I used one of HER famous quotes in the end, "I am done with this and I am done with you." We are friendly online now, mostly because she moved up North. If she were still local, I doubt this would be possible.

Maybe she could have just said, "Hey I am really nervous something will go really wrong and would appreciate it if you were here for the family if something should." Then perhaps I would have explained my plan of action in more detail to calm her fears. But since she is not that kind of person, the inherit good was lost to the evil approach. She may be a "Master" of many things, but I wouldn't think of her as any kind of "Master Manipulator".

The other women who re-enforced this distrust were those I could never escape...my mother and one of her closest friends. My mom is bi-polar just like me, but was in denial most of my life about it. There is something between us that is a thin line between extreme love and hate. It's mutual and clearly recognized now, but growing up it was a constant struggle. But for all her misjudgements involving me, she was never as bad as that close friend. That woman would probably fall under my first clear memory of a MASTER EVIL MANIPULATOR.

While she is chemically unbalanced naturally, when we were growing up this was enhanced by a lifetime of drug and alcohol use - on and off. Either way, she was one whacked out super bitch when it came to her daughter's life. She manipulated her child's life so it looked like they were doing all the 'normal' family things, but always looking a little strung and wrung. You know the mom -- she has inexplicable dark circles, wears inappropriate clothing and wonders why the other moms won't give her the time of day, but still somehow manages to get herself in positions where she controls the event/sport/activity her child is in even if the other parents can't stand her because she is a bossy, opinionated, controlling bitch.

The home life was a MESS. Literally and figuratively. A house that always stunk of cats and dirty dishes. The mental, verbal and physical attacks taught the daughter to accept abuse in exchange for love as an adult, resulting in misery for her and her children. It was always clear to me that it would cause her heartache as an adult, but yet it continued even after I said something to my step-dad. Guess you can't be a hero for every family if your own is in total chaos?

This mother manipulated her daughter into treating the men in her life a certain way to get what she could; while always having another one hovering around the back door for when the first one got sick of the bullshit. This is NOT the way to teach your daughter to be a loving, faithful, honest person. Through out the daughter's life this mother interfered in EVERY single relationship she got herself into. When the daughter finally got her out of her romantic life, the woman began to focus on taking her eldest grandson from the daughter. It's very detailed and quite fucked. Not to mention painful to observe from the outside.

This master manipulator knows exactly how to hurt her child. When the child finally got away from it - after years of having to return to the nest thanks to poor relationship choices - the mom focused her powers on the eldest child. She started helping him with hiding a teen-age romance. She began giving gifts and being his confidant. My own mother defended her friend as trying to make the best choices for the child, but I don't think she remembers how good this woman is at painting a false image to present to the world. After getting a note from the daughter today I began to really think about this topic. I am not mailing a copy to my mom, but should this topic come into question then I may just. She should try to see all sides before taking one, after all.

This woman could have used her bond to help her daughter improve her relationship with the trouble teenage son, but instead she used it to drive him apart from her daughter. Even while her daughter was being examined for a serious health issue and really needed a supportive Mommy, this woman did not relent in the least. While the iron was at its hottest, and the daughter was at her weakest, she struck. Anytime someone waits for the absolute lowest point in a person's health, economics and/or emotional bank to plan an attack might be held in admiration as a military or financial tactician, but is an overall asshole regardless. For a mother to do it to her own child is reprehensible and to do so should bring a person shame.

For the evil manipulators shame seems to be a loss. It's a sociopath-ic tendency if you look at it closely. They feel no remorse and often blame those whom they have manipulated for their deeds, especially if their plan backfires. I see this trait frequently in some who call themselves Dominants. It is a trait that when recognized causes me to remove them from my reality. I consider them a danger to anyone associated with them, socially or intimately. Because of their proclivity within the community - and this applies to males AND females - I feel it is fair to assume that they are abundant in the vanilla world as well.

How do we as a species deal with these types? Well, we just do. They are a part of every existing society. Some hold powerful positions. All those leaders getting busted for being 'family values' advocates while fucking around on the tax payers dimes are just one example of this global problem. While we could be using the manipulation to skill to help each other survive, to send out a more harmonious message and really create change, it seems the rest of the world refuses to notice it even being a serious problem. Ostriches in the sand~

In other words, I don't have any real sage advice on how to deal with this and improve the situation. The only solution I have found for myself is to isolate, surround myself with huge personal boundaries, and really getting to know someone before letting them in close. My long term plan is to collect the people who hold themselves to a similar ethical standard as my own, form a functioning and self-sustaining commune AWAY from this type of crap. I would like to tell you dear reader some basic facts:

*If someone isolates you from your support network by using up all your free time with their amusement with little regard for your existing relationships THEY ARE PROBABLY GOING TO MANIPULATE YOUR LIFE IN MANY OTHER WAYS!

*If someone does dirty business deals, lies to their place of employment and/or steals from anyone you know THEY WILL DO THE SAME MANIPULATIVE THINGS TO YOU EVENTUALLY!

*If someone respects you, they will help you accomplish your goals and work communally with you. IF THEY JUST USE YOU FOR WHAT YOU CAN GIVE - THEY SUCK!

Sure we all use this tool to get what we want on some level. Sometimes it helps to manage situations, but if it is in a way motivated by evil than it should be considered a character trait not worthy of accepting the title of Mastery. If it is applied directly to bring harm to others when instead you had the chance to help, it should be shameful. Be kind in your intent and try to make your own corner of the universe drama free by thinking about how the person in question will be affected by your maneuver in the long run.

Just my two cents after being away from the blog for a while. For those curious, I've been mural painting in Baytown again. Expect images soon. Oh and I am completely distracted by Doodles, my new kitten. He's a bundle of joy. Expect images of him soon, too~

Thanks for the fish! Lv M