A fine example of how things are not what they seem to me

 Recently someone thought they were going to be *helpful* and *treat me* to two different items that made no fucking sense to me...well one did, as I had mentioned in passing that if I had a fry daddy I could make chicken like Long Johns...honestly though here is the moment where I can explain why this truly was a stupid thing to buy me...

1. I have the world's tiniest kitchen. This same person had also been around while I had bitched about that and how if one more person gives me a small appliance I won't have an ounce of space left.
2. He's also heard me saying not so much fried food - we are all getting fat.
3. Not to mention he happens to know LJS is my all time favorite fast food and will ignore my desire to stay skinny if it means I get to have it.

Now when he gave me the fry daddy, I just laughed. I told him it was thoughtful to get me it....but in reality? I COULD NOT HAVE GIVEN TWO FUCKS AND IT IS STILL IN IT'S BOX! 

Why haven't I used it?

1. because they are inherently messy. 
2. They are a waste of oil/use too much
3. I rarely like to take the time and deal with the stickiness of batters!

THAT'S WHY I DID NOT HAVE ONE ALREADY! ~idiot~

This gift followed another one that rattled my brain...This seriously insane make up mirror...

1. Again TINY FUCKING APARTMENT WITH NO DAMN SPACE!
2. I have NEVER desired to see my pores that closely! not ever! NEVER!
3. I said I needed a little fucking LAMP/ this POS lights up a very ugly greenish fluorescent light and makes my make up look the wrong color!!
4. I already owned the kind of mirror that was the size I liked

You want to know how this stupid gift made me think? YOU DUMB COCK. YOU JUST WANT A PAINTED UP PRETTY PRETTY ON YOUR FAT OLD ARM! This shit is all about you and not me. Because if it was about me, you would have fucking listened when I said I wanted a LAMP. Thoughtlessness in details is annoying as fuck to me!

With both of these situations, I was FORCED to be gracious when I wanted to toss both of them at his fucking head. I tell people alllllll the time - I am NOT a fan of surprises. I would prefer to be taken shopping or get a gift card than have to accept UNWANTED OR NEEDED presents graciously!

What pissed me off the most and creates a HUGE resentment on my end? Being stuck in a situation where I have to be nice to not seem so damn mean. I am not mean. I am just independent and picky about my shit. If I need or have a want that we cannot meet, I will fucking assssssssssssk. God damn.

And now you are thinking "What a spoiled bitch - she is not thankful for someone buying her something" - AND THIS IS THE REASON I RESENT BEING PUT IN THE POSITION! Because I *will* be judged as lacking appreciation or sentimentality or some other bullshit attachment created within a social contract that I had NO input in creating -- NO FUCKING THANK YOU.

I'd rather fry my shit in my skillet and have clogged pores~

Holly Golightly: You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels. "Breakfast @ Tiffany's"