Medical Friends Please Help

I wish I could have been wrong/medical staff friends plz read
I truly love my first former in-laws. But golly they are the worst people to have a medical conversation with! I now know for certain how bad things are with my first ex-hubby. The one who is in Ben Taub.

His father - who was always respectful of me [which is more then I could say about how he often treated his own children] - is not a man of many of words. He's generally a quiet sit back and wait to interject in a conversation when you least expect it with something interesting. Anyhow, he's gotten really old recently and I could actually hear it in his voice.

I think he is realizing how miserable his son has been and can identify with it on some level. It makes me cry to know these two genuinely kind hearted men who never really didn't see eye to eye but couldn't get past bullshit in their relationship that in the end really doesn't fucking change the fact that they love each other. {Huge problem with his son being queer} The man who rarely spoke during the six years I was married and breeding with his son just filled me in on his son's condition.

But because he doesn't handle medical stuff frequently he still uses terms like "breathing machine". He also doesn't understand words like, "Lucid" and "Catatonic". I have no real clear understanding of what the fuck is really going on!

My first former mother in law is just as sweet as pie. She is truly a Southern Belle in the warmest sense of the connotation. She is down there today. She is also calling and explaining it all to my mom who in turn calls me. Eitherway, I am still confused on what they are saying!!

Here is what I am getting:

A. First they say he is in there because he has detoxed himself into toxemia. His liver has scar tissue and now they are saying it is cirrosis.

B. While sedated and laying around getting fluids to deal with the fact that there was so much alcohol in his system that the three day treatment involving Ivs would have to be extended for an entire week, he got sicker

C. ICU with pneumonia. Fluid on his lungs. Put on the "breathing machine" [respirator/intubated]. Signature required for a surgery to drain the fluid from the lungs.

D. Now being told his kidneys are shutting down. They seem to be under the impression that IF they can cure the pneumonia then they will provide him the option of dialisis. [On top of rehab for the boozing.]

E. In addition to this they are saying that the pneumonia is showing a dark spot on his lung....what's next?

Ok, so here is what I am stuck with. So vague yet so fucking familiar...if we can just get him to gain weight and live to his first birthday then maybe we can do a heart transplant...if the RSV can be cured we can get him out of icu...if you try to breast feed maybe he won't have these fevers all the time...OH GOD IT IS HAUNTING THE SHIT OUT OF ME AND SENDING OFF EVERY GOD DAMN BELL IN WHISTLE IN MY FUCKING HEAD...And now because of the debt of having given me two AMAZING children I am stuck having to go filter out the doctor talk for my damn kids.

I foresee me having to go to the friggin medical center. I avoid that part of town even more then the Galleria. I hate it down there. I don't care how much it has changed in twenty years! I hate every sensation related to that time in my life. And now I have to do it for a man that I resent so much.

And he won't be conherant enough to have my final peace with him. I want just ten moments alone with him to whisper the truth into his ear. I don't care if it could be the final straw that kills him. I don't want to carry this resentment much longer. I had planned march of 2010 to be the time for me to be finished with it...but not anymore...Now it looks like to behave appropriately and not shame my children, I am just going to have to repackage those emotions and hide them back on the shelf...

I just really don't want to have to step in and dominate this situation. I don't want to be involved. I don't want to have to give a shit just to be sure my kids are really informed of what the fuck is going on.

And I have to plan for their future differently now. I have to look at the relaties of what has happened and how I am about to deal with all of it. Damn.

So not what I wanted to deal with right now. I still have to pay rent~

SO IF ANYONE CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS REALLY GOING TO HAPPEN HERE/THE ODDS OF THIS MTHERFKER DROPPING DEAD WOULD YOU WRITE ME A TRUTHFUL LETTER??? Even better, if you work at BenTaub and can go look at his charts, explain what you can to me without breaking confidentiality! It's making me crAzy!

M